The "And Is Expensive" Principle: Understanding the True Cost of Accumulated Desires and Pickiness

Dr. Orion Taraban introduces the "and is expensive" principle, asserting that every additional desired attribute or condition ("and") inherently increases the cost associated with obtaining it. This cost is not solely financial but extends to significant sacrifices of time, effort, comfort, and certainty. He illustrates this with simple examples like ordering coffee, where adding steamed milk or flavor escalates the price, directly paralleling how accumulating desires in life raises the "price" one must pay.

The core distinction made is between monetary cost and the broader concept of sacrifice. While money is an obvious form of payment, the podcast emphasizes that the most significant costs are often non-monetary, particularly time-based sacrifices. It highlights that value is fundamentally derived from sacrifice, implying that the more one desires, the greater the non-financial investment required. The principle also subtly distinguishes between wanting something and being prepared to earn it through personal investment.

The talk provides practical insights for both professional and personal life. In careers, aspiring for a high-paying, autonomous, flexible, and location-independent job without further education demands immense sacrifices in time and effort. In relationships, desiring a partner with numerous ideal traits (looks, income, fitness, emotional availability) necessitates a reciprocal self-assessment: one must be prepared to meet an equally high standard of demands from their hypothetical partner. The implicit recommendation is to align desires with a willingness to sacrifice or to temper expectations to a more realistic level.

The "and is expensive" principle has broader implications for goal setting, personal responsibility, and understanding the nature of value. It suggests that an unchecked accumulation of desires leads to unrealistic expectations and potential disappointment if one is unwilling to make the commensurate sacrifices. It frames pickiness not as a right, but as a choice with a tangible, often high, price tag, encouraging listeners to critically evaluate their wants against their capacity and willingness to invest. This concept underscores a fundamental psychological truth about trade-offs in life.

every time you say and there's going to be a greater cost associated with getting more of what you want

This isn't necessarily an issue so long as you're prepared to pay more every time you say the word and

you can get all those things but it's going to it's going to be very very expensive not in terms of money though obviously that could be one of the costs but in terms of time sacrificed in order to obtain the desired result

Remember value is derived by sacrifice

the biggest sacrifices that we can ever make are time-based sacrifices

There's also sacrifices of effort there are sacrifices associated with discomfort letting go of comfort letting go of certainty

what are you prepared to sacrifice to obtain the desired result which in this case would be what are you doing to make yourself more attractive to the kind of person that you want to have into your life

if you demand eight things of your hypothetical partner then are you prepared to meet his or her top eight demands for his or her hypothetical partner

you're free to to want whatever you want but you can't want whatever you want at the price that you would prefer to pay

every time you say and the price goes up